Archive for May, 2008

In Law

May 31, 2008

Saturday, May 31, 2008: Unfortunately, I must stay at my sister’s house a couple of weeks longer than I had planned. Getting out of here with almost no cash is not easy. In the meantime, I am putting up with her husband’s attitude towards me. He says things under his breath, when he talks to me he uses a very sharp tone of voice, and if he should look at me, it is not a nice, friendly glance. Glacial is an optimistic description. I am not scared of him. I’m just sad, frustrated and angry. This is not what I expected when I came back from  Argentina. Getting here was a great sacrifice and at the time I thought it was worth it, but I guess that this isn’t so. Loneliness was a great big problem in Buenos Aires. I was an Argentine-born American citizen and it was difficult for me to deal with the prejudice and everything that goes with it. But here, living in a house with 4 people–my sister, her husband, my niece and my sister’s adopted daughter from Guatemala–I am even more alone than I was over there. My niece won’t talk to me because her mother feels the way she does about me. The adopted daughter has to stay with them, no matter what. And the husband? He has never liked my face.

Down

May 30, 2008

Friday, May 30, 2008: Is it politically incorrect to say that I feel bad about having come down? I am down, I am nowhere near my place of 4 or more years ago. It is very unpleasant, not because there is such a thing as social stigma attached to it. I hate it because it is bad for me, my self esteem, the way I live.

Magic Casements

May 29, 2008

I recently saw this episode again after many years. It was very moving and beautiful because it showed that Lady Marjorie was a a woman capable of great feeling. I wished this episode had had a different ending. And it was advanced (I think) for its time. This was 1906 in Upstairs, Downstairs land and here was a middle aged woman feeling tempted to give it all up for a man his son’s age.The love scenes were very well performed and Richard Bellamy, her husband, behaved nobly, maybe too nobly. I really didn’t like that all that much, but it was to be expected. 

Tension

May 29, 2008

Thursday, May 29, 2008: The days go by and the tension in the Norfolk, VA house grows. The trip out has been postponed for a few days, but that doesn’t make it easier for me. On the contrary, I feel like I’m sentenced to death and awaiting a word from the governor, any word, regarding my fate.

Stress

May 28, 2008

May 28, 2008: I cannot describe in enough detail the scary feeling I’m getting now that the time to move out of my sister’s house is so near.  It is here, with me, all the time, and I shudder. I don’t know what the future holds for Lauchita, my cat and me.

The Door

May 26, 2008

Monday, May 26, 2008: I asked her what I could do about the door of my room. She locks it tight because of my cat and it’s hard for me to open it. The only reason I told her was because I’m afraid I won’t be able to open it; pulling on the knob is hard for me. Then I went upstairs and I overheard her telling her husband that I have an attitude about the door.
I cannot believe that it is my sister talking.I don’t recognize this person anymore.Her husband is no friend of mine, either. Throwing up at me the fact that I have a roof over my head in VA isn’t good. She knows what I’ve gone through because of the GA foreclosure.

Finding a Home

May 24, 2008

Saturday, May 24, 2008: Finding a new home for myself and my little cat is proving to be harder than I thought. I have placed an ad on craigslist and some of the responses are from men who think I am an illegal immigrant or worse. I am a US citizen and I have had bad luck these past few years. I want a chance to start all over again.

Leo, the Dog

May 23, 2008

May 23, 2008: Getting me through this difficult time, is the thought of Leo, the German Shepherd mix I had in Argentina last year. I still miss him very much, though it was necessary to give him up. I see Leo with his awkward liittle paws trying to get my attention. I see him smiling. He had a good heart and he was very protective, more protective than a person.

Strong DF Protagonist

May 23, 2008

 The Different Flags screenplay is not at all like the book. In the novel, Ani, the 26 year old protagonist, is strong, but in the screenplay, she is stronger. This strenght does not come overnight. Through the changes she undergoes, Ani discovers the courage she never knew she had. Ani takes action. She reacts, but she acts. She does things, not only for her elderly aunt, but for her own life. She fights for the man she loves, even though he is a Catholic priest.

Street

May 23, 2008

Friday May 23, 2008: I see myself on the street. The relationship with my sister has gotten worse. She doesn’t want me there and my nieces (my sister’s 9 year-old and the 8 -year-old girl adopted from Guatemala barely talk to me. My sister’s husband has never acknowledged my presence. I have had to survive in Argentina the best way I could and that is held against me. Now I feel like unwanted garbage and I know that my days living in my upstairs room with my little cat are numbered.