I still remember her sneakers. The memory is as vivid today as if it was happening today. They had once been white and new. Now they were well worn and dirty, black, brown and other colors in spots. She would bend down to tie them. It took her a long time. Wait, wait, she’d tell the dogs. I can’t go out with the shoe laces untied. She would get impatient and shake her head. Sometimes the shoe laces became knotty and undoing them was not easy. After half an hour or so she would look up and sigh. Her face was happy but tired. I have done it! Now I can take you for a walk
Archive for March, 2011
Everywhere I go, every where I turn, I look for comfort, for something that will tell me things will be fine. I need to be reaasured that things will be ok in spite of the new developments in the ongoing housing crisis. I can find no such comfort. There is nothing nice to escape into. It is just me and this monster. I want to get out of here! I want that so very much that it more than hurts.
I am standing nowhere. It is supposed to be called something, but I have no idea what that name could be. Limbo would be a good word. Limbo sounds unsteady and uncertain. My life. That is my life. If I had to describe it, I think I’d call it not a good thing. It is an existence. I still breathe and move about, but at a great emotional cost.
I want to feel rich. I want to think there are no money or housing problems. This afternoon I’ll go buy 8 ounces of sour cream—thick and rich sour cream. It’s a fantasy for about $1.50.
I saw Him
Corner of Bedford Avenue and South 6th Street, Williamsburgh, Brooklyn: A dog walked with his owner. The owner was a young man in his late 20s. How like Rubio he is, I thought. I stared after him. Rubio used to have a similar kind of walk and his rear end was almost the same color as this dog. Maybe he is watching me from Up there in Doggie Heaven. I got some bad news last night and I certainly need comforting. He protected me and I could trust him. My German Shepherd was my friend.
Out of Here!
Quick, quick, I want to say to somebody. I need to get out of here. I don’t like it and it is making me sick. Something is wrong and I know exactly what it is. I am definitely on the homeless side. There is no one. Whoever it is that I know or once knew is out there, doing something else, whatever that is.
Time is running out. There is a deadline, a deadline that is not likely to have an extension. Renewal is not an option.
I go here, I go there. I will go anywhere but I have no ticket, no way of getting there. I am lost.