I Had Not

I Had Not I had not been happy. I had not felt before. If I knew I had a body, I paid no attention to it. My body was a stranger to me. The skin covering it was not important. It was just there. This was my situation at the time that I fell in love. I realized then how a woman feels when her loved one is near. I felt my skin tingle, reacting to the man I wanted. The feelings were beautiful—maybe part of their beauty was novelty—and it was hard for me to accept them. But they were strong. They were passionate. I felt alive. I was alive. The routine of my life had been books—books and being a drudge.I didn’t dress like a young woman. The colors of my clothes were drab—light beige, sometimes black and dark brown. I didn’t care what I wore like other young women did. Loving this man made me want to dress my age. I discovered reds, bright greens, blues and yellows. I wanted to look good. I made an effort to be pretty for him. I had to be vital and dynamic. Sometimes I was afraid. I took one step forward, then 3 steps backward. I raan back to safety, the safety of the familiar past. When he—the man and I—met by accident, my heart raced and my knees went weak. I didn’t know what to say. The skin on my face got all red. I started to look the other way—or at a chair, a door—bujt I ended up looking at him.

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