I think about it and my stomach is all knotty. I distract myself for a while, maybe a few minutes and I think about it again. What is my fate? When will the knife-like situation do me in? Will I be able to survive it? Will I laugh and be on the other side, triumphant? Or, will I drop to the floor and cry my heart out? I did that once. I saw something on TV that reminded me of my lost home and the tears wouldn’t stop. I don’t think the tears can stop now, once I start crying again.