Archive for December, 2012

Eviction

December 28, 2012

Eviction

 

Yes, lots of people looking, begging for help. Housing Court is full of them. People with kids, elderly people, people with handicaps. But there is no help—not unless you have an expensive lawyer looking out for you. Housing Court is one of the worst places in the world for the poor.

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Can’t Be: Housing Court

December 28, 2012

Can’t Be:Housing Court

Unreal. Surreal. It can’t be happening. It cannot be me here, in this place, with all these people. We can’t be all about to lose our homes. The wooden benches are hard. Sitting on them is a challenge. The grey walls (why must they always be grey?) are unappealing. They are ugly. The long fluorescent lamps over our heads hurt. They make our anxious faces even more stressed out.

Following Rubio

December 22, 2012

Following Rubio

 

Other dogs like him. Not him. My dog has been gone a long time. Nothing can bring him back. I see these other dogs and it is as if I were following Rubio. It is as if he were alive and not turned into ashes. I miss him. I miss him a little bit less with these reminders. He is in my heart and in my dreams we are still walking the streets of our neighborhood together. He will never leave my side.

Miss

December 15, 2012

Miss

 

I miss him. He is not with me. We will never walk the streets of the best neighborhoods together. He will not look at me with his brown eyes, as if smiling. I made a mistake and if I could turn back the clock 5 years, I would. I left him behind at the last minute. I left him under someone’s care and then they told me that he had died. I will never forget my aristocratic dog, my little soul mate. May you Rest in Peace! I love you.

 

 

Struggle

December 12, 2012

Struggle

 

I don’t have the answer. I don’t know the answer. So, I struggle. I do what I can to survive. I push and I hope. I hope for something. I don’t know what that is.I just don’t want for things to remain the same. The same is no good. The same hurts. I have been hurt long enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rubies

December 7, 2012

Rubies

 

Red. The color was and is red. He still reminds me of rubies, of a bright colored and expensive gem. Rubies were the symbol of the good life he was able to get in the new country after all the years of despair in Europe..

 He reminds me of affection, of being held and protected.  He left my life long ago, but in my heart he lives. He is in there, with his brown eyes and his hand caressing my hair.

 

 

 

Bark

December 3, 2012

Bark

 

He barked. He didn’t know her at first. She looked like a stranger. But we’ve met before. I know you. We lived together, remember? I was your owner. That’s right we did and you were. Past tense. Too much. We spent too much time apart. But I love you. I have never forgotten you. I love you too. You were kind. You sought the best for me. You wanted me to be safe. You wanted me to belong.

Survival

December 3, 2012

Survival

 

How can I survive? How have I survived up to now? I don’t remember. I just did it. I don’t know the secret. I just make it up as I go along.

 

 

Don’t Like

December 3, 2012

Don’t Like It grows. It is out there. It is in there. Whatever it is (I have no real name for it) eats away at my entire soul. There is nothing I can do about it, nothing to make me forget it exists. Uncertainty. Dependence. Having to answer questions I don’t want to answer. These are prisons with big thick bars.

Little One

December 3, 2012

Little One

 

She was dressed simply—a dark wool skirt and a medium green cardigan sweater. The sweater had big off white buttons. Her face was wrinkled—the face of a woman who has seen and felt too much. The dark brown eyes were small. In her youth, they had been big, but now, in her late 60s, they lacked life. She went from one place to another—from here to there and from there to here—without noticing where she was.