Fear. I feared him. I had no idea when he’d be coming back. I lived there, but I was homeless. I didn’t want to see him—the feeling grew worse as time went on. I would shake; my body would get all tense when he showed up. I never knew what he would do or when he would do it. I wanted to trust him. I tried hard to trust him. But I didn’t dare. If I trusted him, I’d be more in his hands than I already was. I’d be 100% in his power, totally helpless.