You and me. You keeping me company. You with your body resting next to my feet as I typed on the computer or listen to the Old Time radio shows. You as in a living being I can depend on. We did things together. By looking at you, I understood what you were saying without words. I knew what you wanted. I wanted to please you, to make you happy. In a way, we were kindred spirits. I understood your needs and you understood mine. I did not judge you. You did not judge me. That was the best present we gave one another. You did not belong to me, but it didn’t matter. The bond was there just the same.
Archive for April, 2013
Get out. Go somewhere else. Don’t be here. Be some other place. This is a place, but it is not the right place for you. All my life, the woman thought. All my life I have been asked to get out. I have been evicted by my feelings and by circumstances. She watched the people walk by the street where she was now living. They got into a car. It is easy for them. A car is a great resource. It can take a person far. The farther the better.
The Train Tickets
There they are. Small half white, half orange train tickets. The tickets are rectangular-shaped. So many of them! I just found so many train tickets. I saw them in an old transparent plastic bag. The tickets were not tied together with a rubber band. They were all over bag and I had to fish some of them out. I must have traveled quite often back then, to and from the city. It was 6 blocks from our house to the train station and I hurried to catch the 11:30.
I don’t want to think too much about that time—that long ago time. It is gone. I hurts to know that I can’t pull back those dear years back to me. Our house, he streets of our neighborhood on the way to the station and my love—I will never see them again.
When this dog is next to me, and looks up at me with his brown eyes, I realize how important he has become. I am reminded of Rubio, my star dog. He used to lie down on the kitchen floor. I have a picture of him. The picture was taken in somebody else’s kitchen. His eyes are looking at the camera. The expression is sad, as if something were missing. I cannot think that this new dog (belonging to someone else) is mine or that he is like Rubio. He isn’t. But he does keep me great company and I feel less lonely. He is my new temporary friend. He will always be my friend.
The Walks We Had
Intense. Yes, they were intense. Fun. They were fun. I had a purpose again. We—you and I—had a goal. Whatever they were, they were never dull. I never yawned after we got back from them. I pulled and you followed. Or, you pulled and I followed. I didn’t tell. I didn’t tell anyone. I never wanted our walks to end. I don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was the company we kept each other. Being with you was a pleasure, a big treat. And you were so happy; you were such a different dog after our walks. Your eyes shone. You were alert. I will miss our outings even more than you.
3. Animal abuse drives me batshit crazy. Homelessness, eviction, and poverty too. None of these should exist.
4.An unforgettable moment in my life is when I told a man that I was in love with him. He was a priest. I was scared and shaking, but I did it. I had to tell him.
- My dream vacation would be Hawaii. I love the sun, the smoothies, the water—everything.
- At age 10, I dreamed of being a writer.
- I would travel back in time to the 1930s. I have watched movies from the 30s and read books about that decade. I love the clothes, the way they talked—everything except the poverty.
- If I could transform myself into a celebrity for one day, it would be Duchess Kate of Cambridge.
- Fun is being free, being own self.
- My worst habit is being trusting and still naïve.
- My first current project is the screen version of my novel Different Flags. My second current project is a book about my experiences in New York City.
It does not change my feelings for you. Nothing can. So much time has gone by since we were together. 14 years. All those years of not being with you, my friend. But I remember. How can I not remember sitting with you in your apt, or you coming over to mine? You told me stories about your life, how your life was in the past. You enjoyed it then. There was something, a good reason, to get up in the morning. Going to work was a joy, a delight. You were with good people and you thought of one other as family. The difference between back then and now was too much. You could hardly bear it. You shut your eyes, but the reality was there. You could not go back and be young and healthy. The fabulous you would never return.