To be told to leave, to just go. To hear the words you are not welcome here. You have to leave. Words are sometimes worse than physical damage. Words stay in the brain, in the heart and in the soul. Words remain. Bruises fade, though the memory certainly doesn’t fade. Words with the word NO often hurt a little more.
Archive for November, 2014
I love it. I can still see you there, all curled up in the rectangular wicker basket where the old newspapers were kept. You sleep and the world is fine. You rest and you feel no pain. Be well, my little one. Someday we’ll be together again. I’ll again spend time with you in our Williamsburgh space up there in Heaven.
Alone. Just leave me alone so I can be me. Leave me alone so I can not have to worry about what you think, what you feel. I don’t want to please anybody anymore. I shouldn’t have to please anybody anymore.
I have sinned. I dream of a home I do not have. A home with a robe, a door all my own, a teapot and a blanket to keep me safe and warm. Safe. I haven’t known that feeling in a very long time. I don’t know what it means anymore. Cold weather scares me. It scares me because of the way it makes me feel inside. I am not me. I don’t know who I am. I want to run somewhere but that place does not exist. It is harsh, the harshness of feeling and being unprotected.