My life is different because of what’s happened. It’s more complicated. What once was merely unpleasant has become ugly and uncomfortable. It is a chore, a duty I don’t want to take on. I knew that living like this, like a nothing person, wouldn’t work. And I resisted it with great force, with as much force as I was able to muster. But towards the end of my effort it was like hitting a brick wall. I was trapped on the other side of that wall and couldn’t get through. It’s a disgusting feeling and I feel numb a lot of the time.