Archive for October, 2016

Yawn

October 28, 2016

Yawn

Yawn. I want to go. Tune out. I want to tune out. I want to choose another channel, a channel without pain and worry and despair. The weather here, with all the harsh wind blowing, is like my situation. I will close my eyes. Maybe that will help. I doubt it will do much. But maybe for a tiny bit I do not have to think about anything. I do not want to think. Thinking about the situation makes me want to vomit.

 

 

Go

October 27, 2016

I know. Now I know where to go. Now I understand what it means. The medium shade of green, the peace, the calmness where nothing bad happens. It is where you and I were. It is  near where you and I lived. The tranquility and you go together. They are with me always, in my heart and in my thoughts. We are always at the park surrounded by what we love. You and I are always smiling, and looking into each other’s eyes.

Forest

October 27, 2016

It is green, very green. It is huge, very huge. I had e new er been here before. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know what to do. Where should I go, which way? Should Io go left or right, north or south, east or west? I don’t know. I am scared. Soon it will be night and everything will be dark. Will I rest against the trunk of a tree? Will I be able to find a tree, any tree? I need directions and there aren’t any. Living by my wits and my wits only is hard.

No There

October 26, 2016

No There

No, little one, my little one. Please, I beg of you. I ask you nicely because I love you. Do not. Just do not go there. Don’t dare run to the doors of the other rooms. Walk around for 2 minutes, no more than 2, and come right back to our room.  Someone can see you in the living room and they’ll tell the fat man. The fat man will manipulate his words to make it look like he is the decent one and that you and I disrespect his free house. He’s very good at that, at saying things in such a way that make him seem respectable. Please, my little cat, forgive me. I am so sorry. I want you to be free. I want me to be free. This is not the place for that.

Never

October 18, 2016

Never

Oh, my dear! It is as if we were there now, this very minute. Just you and I together, side by side as in the old days. The heart doesn’t forget. My heart will never forget such a special friend. I love you. It was scary at first, but I did it. Loving is such a hard thing to do and one never knows how it will end. I chose you over all the others. It was you I wanted, you I stayed with, you I protected. We will probably not meet again. I want you to know this: being with you was worth it. I would do it over and over again, with the sun shining bright on us. The sun is shining bright on my thoughts of you.

 

 

Life

October 17, 2016

Life

The ink for the printer, the paper to print out the book, the time spent writing it, the time slaving over the computer, writing with the finger of one hand. It was my life. The book was my life. It still is. The passion could be heard in of. She had said these things many times before. She had spoken with deep emotion in her voice. She cared. She would always care, even after she was dead. The experience which led to the writing of my novel changed my life forever. I have written other things about subjects that were meaningful to me, but nothing is as important as telling the story of a young woman discovering herself on a desperate journey far away, to a country that she left long ago. She is a stranger in that country. She’s lived elsewhere, with different people, different habits. But in this other country, she feels again. She is alive as she has never been alive. She feels young. She stops dressing like an old lady. The young woman falls in love with someone she thinks she can’t have. The man in question is a priest. Priests can’t be lovers, boyfriends or husbands.

The Fat Man and hisGirlfriend

October 17, 2016

The Fat Man and his Girlfriend

“You can’t you can’t use that coffeemaker! It’s Maria’s. You broke the handle.” The fat man, wearing his cotton robe, shouted. His beady eyes shook with anger. “I am sorry,” the woman said. I didn’t mean to. Can’t you go back to the store and get a new one?” “No. You owe us $20.” The fat man’s girlfriend came into the kitchen and muttered something about the tenant breaking everything. “I do no such thing,” the tenant said. “This is the first time.” “It doesn’t matter. You take things that don’t belong to you.” “I am sorry,” the tenant repeated. “And I never take things that don’t belong to me.” The fat man’s girlfriend put the black handle back in the coffeemaker.  “I can never win with these people. They like to twist things around for their benefit,” the tenant thought. Somehow, the fat man’s girlfriend pushed the tenant. “Stop doing that or I’ll call the police.” She opened the door of her room and started to get her cell phone. The fat woman’s girlfriend’s hand was quick. “You aren’t getting this phone back,” the girlfriend said. Her brown eyes almost belonged to a beast. “Give me my phone back!” The girlfriend ran to her bedroom and closed the door. “What will I do?” The tenant asked the home attendant. “Don’t know. I never get involved.” “I knew you wouldn’t,” the tenant thought.” If Maria speaks with the agency you could lose this job.” The tenant went to her room, put on her shoes and ran to her friend’s office. After a while, the fat man’s girlfriend returned the tenant’s phone. The girlfriend pretended that she was the innocent one. “If you mess with me,” the friend told Maria.” You’ll see what I’m capable of. She is not paying you rent this month, seeing as this is her last month. No more $600 from her. Later, she told the tenant: “You don’t want to end up in a mass grave because of these people. You have to be careful. I’ll see what I can do about getting you out of there.”

 

 

 

 

The Fat Man’s Girlfriend

October 17, 2016

The Fat Man’s Girlfriend

“You can’t you can’t use that coffeemaker! It’s Maria’s. You broke the handle.” The fat man, wearing his cotton robe, shouted. His beady eyes shook with anger. “I am sorry,” the woman said. I didn’t mean to. Can’t you go back to the store and get a new one?” “No. You owe us $20.” The fat man’s girlfriend came into the kitchen and muttered something about the tenant breaking everything. “I do no such thing,” the tenant said. “This is the first time.” “It doesn’t matter. You take things that don’t belong to you.” “I am sorry,” the tenant repeated. “And I never take things that don’t belong to me.” The fat man’s girlfriend put the black handle back in the coffeemaker.  “I can never win with these people. They like to twist things around for their benefit,” the tenant thought. Somehow, the fat man’s girlfriend pushed the tenant. “Stop doing that or I’ll call the police.” She opened the door of her room and started to get her cell phone. The fat woman’s girlfriend’s hand was quick. “You aren’t getting this phone back,” the girlfriend said. Her brown eyes almost belonged to a beast. “Give me my phone back!” The girlfriend ran to her bedroom and closed the door. “What will I do?” The tenant asked the home attendant. “Don’t know. I never get involved.” “I knew you wouldn’t,” the tenant thought.” If Maria speaks with the agency you could lose this job.” The tenant went to her room, put on her shoes and ran to her friend’s office. After a while, the fat man’s girlfriend returned the tenant’s phone. The girlfriend pretended that she was the innocent one. “If you mess with me,” the friend told Maria.” You’ll see what I’m capable of. She is not paying you rent this month, seeing as this is her last month. No more $600 from her.”

The Other House

October 9, 2016

They stood on the sidewalk. She held on tight to him, but the leash was long and she had to roll it up in her hands. “It’s fine, baby. it’s fine.” Her voice sounded normal; her body was rigid. She hoped he wouldn’t notice her anxiety. He looked at the people going past them, sniffing their essence as if he longed to see a special someone. “Let’s start walking. You tell me where.” He pulled on the leash so hard that she almost lost her balance. At the corner, he turned left. ” I know where you want to go.” Five minutes later they stood before a two-story house. It was all white, except for the dark grey garage door. He went to the door and sniffed. Their small car was at the curb. His body went down to the tires–one, two, three and four tires. He couldn’t help himself; he wanted more and more. Last he lead her to the garage door. He looked at her. “It’s ok. I understand. Smell all you want.” He stayed by the door for several minutes. “It’s almost as if you were a human being. They kicked you out and you still miss them.”

How Long

October 8, 2016

How Long

Tell me, how long has it been? How many years exactly? We met, I know. I remember that. It was on a Monday and I couldn’t believe who I was being introduced to. I lowered my eyes when we shook hands; I was young and didn’t know what to say beyond: nice to meet you. I saw something familiar in you, something I believed I saw somewhere else but didn’t remember where. Even now I can’t quite put my finger on what it was. It must have been the unusual place or how handsome you looked. You were a significant shadow, the beginning of something unforgettable.