Archive for August, 2017

The Stooge

August 17, 2017

The Stooge

That’s me. I’m your stooge. I’m the dummy you turn to when there is no one else, when all the others have gone away. I love you. My eyes see you as you truly are. In your good moments you make me laugh or smile. I look at you and I wonder what happened to your life. Why is it the way it is, all messed up like a kitchen with too many dishes to be washed? Why do you depend on what harms you? A person with your intelligence and street savvy shouldn’t be living like this, down and out and nowhere. Back to where you were, to how you were. There must be a way to get yourself up so that you can stay up and never dump yourself down again.

 

Love

August 12, 2017

Love

I cannot forget it. I cannot forget you. All these years have gone by, countless years of deep hardship, but it doesn’t matter. You are in my heart. You were the one who taught me I was a woman. You were the man I dreamed of without realizing I was dreaming of you. I met you by accident; it wasn’t planned, but when I saw you, everything in me stood still. I couldn’t stop myself from loving you. That would have been the same as not being alive. I knew passion. The passion made me want to walk towards you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think

August 11, 2017

Think

It is a defense mechanism. Today is another anniversary of the day I lost you. I think, I remember, but then I stop. I don’t want to know. I don’t want it visible, for my heart to stare at. You will never be again. Your little head won’t be next to mine when I wake up in the morning. My hands will not caress your little body. I will see you with my mind and with my memories. There are so many memories of you and me together, being a little family!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Up

August 11, 2017

Up

Do you think it was easy? Do you think I gave you up on a whim, because I had nothing better to do? Or that I called somebody and told them to take you because I was tired of you and I didn’t want you anymore? I never would have said: He’s yours now, do what you want with him. I had such a hard time saying goodbye. I didn’t want to do it, but your health came first. Your life came first. You had to get well; you had to get alive again. My sacrifice was worth the pain.

Clothes

August 10, 2017

Clothes

I had to do it. Your clothes, the ones you left behind. I couldn’t bear to have the bags full of your clothes staring at me. I had to put everything away. The memories of you were and are still raw, as if you had just walked out the door. Now they, your belongings, will be gone. I won’t have anything except in my heart and mind to remind me of you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t

August 6, 2017

Believe me! Please believe me! Look at my face. My eyes have to tell you something. Don’t die! Please don’t die! I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to feel empty again. I hurt because I am not with you. If the final thing were to happen, I’d be devastated. Yes, I am being selfish. Promise me you will take care of yourself. Wherever you are, I want you with life.

The Emergency

August 5, 2017

The Emergency

The siren made a loud noise through the city streets. The siren yelled hard; it was almost midnight and somebody inside the ambulance was very sick. A paramedic with a computer on his lap took down all of the man’s information. He asked questions; the woman holding on to the patient’s stretcher helped with the answers. He cannot wait any longer, she told the paramedic. Just look at the way his face is. I had to call 911 and ask help for him. I had to. It was a short trip to the hospital. The ambulance stopped by the emergency dept. After the patient was wheeled in, there were more questions. When these were answered, the woman stayed with her head resting by her friend’s feet all night. In the morning, the man is discharged. She goes with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Daydream

August 2, 2017

The Daydream

I daydream. I daydream you come back to me. I daydream you still love me and that you care what happens to me. My daydream is a lie. The lie sometimes takes away the pain of missing you. It’s been a long time. My heart believes you left yesterday or today. I want you. I will be missing you forever.