Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category

The Brush

June 24, 2017

At first I didn’t feel it. Something touched me gently. It brushed up against me like a tender caress. I looked down. It was you–or the image of you. It was almost as if you had come back for me. My smile was genuine; it lit up my eyes. I said your name out loud. Oh, my dear! How much I have missed you! I care. I care deeply. If you had believed it, maybe you never would have left.

What?

June 13, 2017

What?

What have I done? How have I hurt you? You won’t tell me? You’d rather keep it a secret? You hurt me; you are a man, and I can’t expect you to admit it. Your pride would take a hit if you were honest with yourself.  The pain I feel over the loss of you will go away. Eventually I will feel nothing as opposed to now. Now I feel everything and it is a sharp feeling. It is so strong that it scares me. I don’t like my tears. I don’t know what to do with them. They are not going away anytime soon.

 

 

It

May 30, 2017

It

It is over. We are done. You and I are last week’s news, maybe even last month’s. It was intense, it was fun and it was wonderful in parts. I learned a lot. I cared again. I didn’t think it would happen but I did care. It was real; it was authentic. You were authentic. You showed yourself to me as you are. I liked that. I appreciate it very much. I related to you and what was going on in your life. We had that much in common. My experience was, in many ways, your experience. My pain is raw. It just started. Who knows when it will end. For whatever it’s worth, I am glad we met.

 

 

 

 

 

Together

May 28, 2017

You. Only you, the thoughts of you work. They are the only things holding everything together. I don’t know what I would do without them. Because you are no longer with me, I rely on them to get me through. And without you, there is so much to get through, to get over. I see the green grass, the tress we used to walk by. I see the streets. They work like magic. I am no longer upset.I am no longer sad. You brought life and happiness to me. I love you wherever you are.

Who?

April 18, 2017

Who

Who will tell you not to seek out danger? Who will say to you: Don’t do this because no one will bail you out? When you climb down the stairs to go out into the street who is going to talk to you in a firm voice, a voice that will stop you from using the half open door?  Are you listening to other commanding now or are you, as usual,  with people who expect others to rescue you? Are you with those who will hit you because you are on the couch taking a rest? How can I protect you now? I don’t know where you are anymore.

 

 

The Invalid

April 14, 2017

The Invalid

You still don’t understand. You were not there. You don’t know. I saw him when he was sick. I saw him at his worst; I thought it was about over for him. He lay in bed with his eyes closed. I would touch him to feel his pulse. Fine, I would say. It’s fine. I’m so happy. You’re still with us. The minute he opened his eyes he looked around the room. The sadness he must have felt was heartbreaking. I didn’t dare ask him, but I knew. He wanted his family. He wanted to see them. He didn’t care about anything or anybody else. I could imagine his wondering if they’d come back from that far away country. Nobody except them was allowed to hug or kiss him. I wanted to comfort him many times, but something held me back. I cared deeply for his welfare, yet I had to pretend to him that we were almost strangers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cats

March 22, 2017

Cats

I have lost my 2 cats. They’re gone. Somebody opened the door(or didn’t let them back in)  and they are nowhere to be seen. I don’t know where they are. I cared for them. I fed them. I rescued them when they got in trouble; when they were on the rooftop or on the street somewhere. I was and am their true owner. I actually cared what happened to them. I miss my cats. I wonder where they are; whther they are cold or hungry or in some sort of danger. little Big One and Young Miss. I named them. Before that they had no names. Young Miss was always hungry. She could eat anything and everything. I never saw a cat, male or female, with as much appetite as she had. Who is feeding her now? Young Miss used to go out, then meow at the kitchen window to be inside again. Little Big One liked danger. Before he was neutered they would let him out and he’d disappear for hours.At first,  Little Big One did not know what obedience was. I taught him. He learned to listen to me when I told him not to do something  that wasn’t good for him. Whoever says they owned them–those people don’t know what they’re talking about. They l ike to manipulate, to twist things around and appear in the right when they’re not. They let other people do what they should have done: be caring pet owners.

 

You Were

February 25, 2017

You were sunshine to me, pure sunshine. Even in the darkest moments, things were fine, everything was fine because we were together, because I was with you. I loved you. I love you. Whatever risks I took to be near you, to be with you were no problem. I had to do it. Just walking down the street holding on to you gave me a sense of pride. I felt fulfilled because I was doing something right with you. I felt alive. Those feelings were some of the best gifts that you and only you gave me. Now you are gone and I will never see you again. My lips kiss you on the head at a distance of thousands of miles. Goodbye, my darling. Thank you. We will meet again.

Veins

February 18, 2017

Veins

Dry skin—the skin is very dry. The veins are blue, dark blue. They stand out in ways they didn’t before. The fingers are a little dirty on the outside. The nails are not in good shape. They need to be done with a nail file and done quickly. There is not enough hand or body lotion to make the inside and the outside of the hands look younger or better. They look like the hands of someone working hard tilling the land or doing hard lifting. The hands are a poor woman’s hands. They are not glamorous and they are not pretty.

Eyes

February 3, 2017

Eyes

She had them. Her eyes spoke without words. Their expression was deep and powerful. She was known as the woman with the brown eyes. The eyes told of her struggles, her attempts at getting things under control so that no one would guess the truth. She looked at you and it was understood. Her life wasn’t much  good. She lived with her animals, her 3 dogs. They were the only family she had. She could count on her animals like she couldn’t count on people. Here they are, she would say. They are the children I never had. I love them and they love me. I can’t say the same for anyone else. Where are those people anyway? I don’t see them.