I was depressed again, and not even watching my favorite Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers 1935 musical helped ease the hurt. I cannot spend another holiday season like this one! There is no way that I can do that because it is very harmful to my emotional health. Tonight, when it was about to be over, I smiled and said: Hurrah! It is over! No more pain, the horrible emotional pain I dread so much! The pain of not having anybody to spend the season with. It has gone on for years and years—too many years for me to count.