The Man

April 11, 2017

The Man
The man is in pain. It’s no joke. The pain is all too real. He sits. His seat is a blanket in the middle of a street. Sometimes the seat is in somebody’s house. Things are iffy for him now. Things, events, are not to be trusted. He feels that they have done him enough damage. He doesn’t feel like getting more on top of every other type of damage. What more can he lose? Hasn’t he lost enough already? He sits and he sleeps. Food doesn’t exist for him anymore. Nothing exists except whatever eases, or pretends to ease, the pain.

Anything

April 11, 2017

Anything. I would do anything for you. Whatever you wanted, whatever you needed. No risk was too much of a challenge. Nothing mattered except making sure that you were happy. I could not have loved you more if I had tried. The first time I saw you, I knew. It was that simple. My heart was full and I couldn’t wait to race over to you. I had to see you no matter what.

Something

April 4, 2017

Something nice–I want something nice. Or something sharp–either one is fine. I need something, whatever, to kill the pain. I want to wake up and feel nothing. I want wake up and not remember where I am or what I have become. I don’t like the me of right now. I hate being. I hate living in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nothing. I want my life back, the life I trust. I grew up with that life. The life now means nothing to me. It is absolutely worthless.

Corpse

April 3, 2017

Corpse

It was a corpse. The cat was dead. Through the wire fence she saw the corpse of an animal. The two sisters used to sleep together under the trailer in the lumberyard. The blizzard had killed one of them. They were all they had. Now the remaining cat had to fend for herself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Could I?

March 31, 2017

Could I?

He stood near her. The man was thin. His face was unshaven. He wore no T-shirt or sweater, just some tan-colored pants. Could I speak to you for a minute? The woman looked down at the floor. She shook her head. No.  The man repeated the question. His voice was gentle. Please. Just for a minute. She turned to look behind her. There was an empty can of beer on the floor. No. I don’t have time. Someone got hold of the man’s arm. He seated himself on the bed.

 

Supposed

March 28, 2017

Supposed

This isn’t happening. It is not supposed to happen. You and I are standing by ourselves within 2 or 3 feet from one another. We don’t dare to get close. We feel, but we shouldn’t feel. I don’t dare walk to where you are. I could pretend that I need to ask you something, but if I do, my eyes would tell you things you don’t want to know. There is no one. You are the dream of my life. There is no other.

 

 

 

 

 

Cats

March 22, 2017

Cats

I have lost my 2 cats. They’re gone. Somebody opened the door(or didn’t let them back in)  and they are nowhere to be seen. I don’t know where they are. I cared for them. I fed them. I rescued them when they got in trouble; when they were on the rooftop or on the street somewhere. I was and am their true owner. I actually cared what happened to them. I miss my cats. I wonder where they are; whther they are cold or hungry or in some sort of danger. little Big One and Young Miss. I named them. Before that they had no names. Young Miss was always hungry. She could eat anything and everything. I never saw a cat, male or female, with as much appetite as she had. Who is feeding her now? Young Miss used to go out, then meow at the kitchen window to be inside again. Little Big One liked danger. Before he was neutered they would let him out and he’d disappear for hours.At first,  Little Big One did not know what obedience was. I taught him. He learned to listen to me when I told him not to do something  that wasn’t good for him. Whoever says they owned them–those people don’t know what they’re talking about. They l ike to manipulate, to twist things around and appear in the right when they’re not. They let other people do what they should have done: be caring pet owners.

 

Life

March 13, 2017

Life

I feared. I feared for my life and safety. Every time I saw the fat man with the tattoos on his arms, my skin crawled. His voice, the way he spoke made me nauseous. I was criticized and insulted. I was on the point of calling the police several times; one time the phone was snatched from my hand when I was about to dial 911. His girlfriend, the landlady, took it away from me. I told several people to no avail. I lived in that rooming house for as long as I could. If I stayed it was for the sake of the cats. I didn’t know what else to do.

 

 

Ownership?

March 2, 2017

Ownership?

I own the cat. The fat man’s voice was loud and strong. My boss gave him to me. But do you take care of the cat? Do you feed him, take him to the vet, see to it that he gets his shots and is neutered? No, the fat woman said. You wanted to do that. But it is required. Any vet will tell you that. And were you born in this country? No, the woman answered. Then you are undocumented just like me. Me like you? I am an American citizen. I can’t be like you. You are uncouth and rude. The argument went on and on. The fat man pretended to dial 911. Let’s call emergency, he said. We’ll say that there is a schizophrenic woman here. She’s been making threats. The woman watched in wonder. She was living in a nightmare, a horrible nightmare with these people. It couldn’t be real. How can it be? How did I get to this point? The fat woman insulted my mother and called me a scarecrow and I don’t know what else. How can I be with these people? I am not safe here. I have to go.

 

You Were

February 25, 2017

You were sunshine to me, pure sunshine. Even in the darkest moments, things were fine, everything was fine because we were together, because I was with you. I loved you. I love you. Whatever risks I took to be near you, to be with you were no problem. I had to do it. Just walking down the street holding on to you gave me a sense of pride. I felt fulfilled because I was doing something right with you. I felt alive. Those feelings were some of the best gifts that you and only you gave me. Now you are gone and I will never see you again. My lips kiss you on the head at a distance of thousands of miles. Goodbye, my darling. Thank you. We will meet again.