Last

January 8, 2018

Last

He spent his last days in a small apt. His skin had developed bed sores. He could barely move. He had difficulty lifting his head. The weather was extreme that year, with high temperatures breaking records. Someone had to go to his small space by the wooden wall and ask him if he needed anything. His eyes would look at the person. He could not even bark. That last evening he got the meal he loved most—steak, potatoes and his favorite sweet stick. He slept until they came for him. A large man wrapped him up in a huge towel and carried down to where the truck to the vet’s office was. His owner was with him until the end.

 

 

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Somebody

January 8, 2018

Somebody

She had once been a great woman. People had loved her. They had respected her. Her hats and stylish outfits were copied by all the women of her acquaintance. She walked with her head held high. Her jewels came from the finest stores—Tiffany & Co., Bulgari and Cartier. She knew how to talk to people. She knew how to listen to their problems, often forgetting that she had problems of her own.

She only wore makeup because it was expected of a woman in her position. Her brown eyes, big and expressive were her best feature.  Her skin had no blemishes. She had come up the hard way, starting at the very bottom. If I can do it, she used to tell her women friends, you can too. Look at me! Look at what I got! High society men ask me out on dates.

In her later years, no one would have guessed her splendid past. The sadness in her eyes aged her by more than 10 years. She coped by staying home as much as possible. Her friends had stopped trying to reach her a long time ago. She walked her dogs twice a day; otherwise she stayed in her safety zone.

 

 

 

 

 

Dog Love

January 1, 2018

He was my dog and I loved him. I love him. He was a big guy, about 80 pounds and his fur was blond and black. He has haunted me for 11 years. There has almost not been another dog as important to me as him, my German shepherd. True to his breed, he was loyal, strong and protective. Once he was betrayed by someone but he never found out that they didn’t want him anymore. One early morning, he led me by the leash to the house. We got there at 5. Everything was still dark. Their car was parked by the curb. He bent over to sniff the tires, the doors, everything. Then he walked to the front door of the house. He stood before it,  as if expecting someone to come out and greet him. The window of the house had white curtains. He stood and tried to look inside. His nose took in the fragrance of what had once been his space, his refuge. I looked down at him. Come, baby, let’s go. They are probably on vacation. We can come back some other time. His brown eyes looked at me; he nodded. I pulled on his leash gently and we walked back to where we lived.

Forget Never

December 22, 2017

Forget

No, I cannot forget. This is such an important day. You were born on this date many years ago. I loved you. I understood you even though it was often hard to do so. I learned about your hard life as a child. I learned that you had had to put up with countless things. I imagined how it must have been for you, a young woman alone in the world of the 1940s. It is all over. You are safe with the person you loved and missed for over 50 years. You are with her in Heaven.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you Only Knew

December 22, 2017

If You Only Knew

You don’t know, do you? You don’t want to know. I’ve been with you through thick and thin. I’ve seen you at your worst. I’ve seen you when no one else wanted to see you. You do not want to see me. You don’t see my problems, my struggles, the things I have had to put up with to survive. Your life is rough, so is mine. Your life sucks right now. Mine does too.

 

 

 

 

 

Intimacy

December 22, 2017

Intimacy

You bitch! You are only with me when it’s convenient for you. You bitch! You don’t care about me! You only care about you. Get out! Take a walk! He went on and on while his listener sat near him with her heart broken to bits. He doesn’t mean it. He can’t be meaning it, she thought. This isn’t happening. If it is, it is not happening here, it is not  happening to us. His voice grew louder. She got up and walked away.

Words

December 13, 2017

Words

Words—I want them to mean something. I want the words, my words, to be heard and listened to. Words—they are such important words. I utter words of hope and longing and love lost and never found again. I utter words that I had trapped inside me. They had to come out; they had to be expressed. I don’t know what I would do without words, my words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Push

December 11, 2017

The Push

The man stood in his hospital gown. Is this the suitcase you wanted? She asked him. The stuff that you asked for is inside. No, he answered. I WANT THE BLACK ONE! The black one was too big for me to carry on the subway. I WANT THE BLACK ONE! Well, you can come to the apt. to get it anytime you want. I WANT IT NOW! I am sorry. Did you bring a coat? There is a coat in there, she told him. Look and you will see a coat. I don’t want that one, whatever it is. I WANT THE ONE YOU ARE WEARING. But it’s cold outside. His smile was grim before he answered her. Yes, and I am going to be outside to feel it. He walked towards her and started to unzipped her coat. No! No! She managed to say. His hands were hard; she fell on the ground. Help! Help! Someone opened the door of the hospital room. What happened? A couple of nurses helped her up. Security was called. They said she had been assaulted.

 

Confidant

November 28, 2017

I can. I can confide in you. I can tell you everything. I can trust you with my secrets. I can trust you with what’s deep inside my soul. You are me and I am you. We are.

Why?

November 28, 2017

Why should it? Why does everything that happens to you happen to me too? Why should I care if you are sick or are going through a difficult time? Why is that so important to me? There is drama in you. There is lots of drama, lots of up and down, almost at the precipice moments. I care. I truly care. Figuring out why is something I have been doing since the day I met you.