Posts Tagged ‘Family Life’

Angry

July 10, 2017

Angry

You are angry. I am angry. You have your reasons to feel the way you feel; I have reasons to feel my pain. You should not have done and said what you did; I should not have reacted the way I did. But it’s done. Neither one of us want to be the first to apologize.  The days of using an old VCR rewinding tape are long gone. Now I understand how much I care about you. Before we parted, I knew I cared, but now the feeling is sharper, more intense than I thought it would be. Years ago, I never thought I would have this emotion again. I am bewildered and baffled by its bad timing. And you are totally wrong for me. Who will be with you at the end? Who will hold your hand when you are about to go forever? I wanted to be that person. I was there for you so many times! Right now I don’t think I will be able to say the final good-bye. I hate to think of you with strangers then. It hurts my soul.

 

 

Around

June 29, 2017

Around

You are not around, but you are in spite of my wishes. I don’t want to be where you were, where we used to be. It hurts. It hurts too much. I am reminded of other losses, other emotional pains. I cry. The tears just come down my face. I am bewildered. I am surprised. How could this have happened? I never wished for it. I never wanted to feel deeply again

The Brush

June 24, 2017

At first I didn’t feel it. Something touched me gently. It brushed up against me like a tender caress. I looked down. It was you–or the image of you. It was almost as if you had come back for me. My smile was genuine; it lit up my eyes. I said your name out loud. Oh, my dear! How much I have missed you! I care. I care deeply. If you had believed it, maybe you never would have left.

What?

June 13, 2017

What?

What have I done? How have I hurt you? You won’t tell me? You’d rather keep it a secret? You hurt me; you are a man, and I can’t expect you to admit it. Your pride would take a hit if you were honest with yourself.  The pain I feel over the loss of you will go away. Eventually I will feel nothing as opposed to now. Now I feel everything and it is a sharp feeling. It is so strong that it scares me. I don’t like my tears. I don’t know what to do with them. They are not going away anytime soon.

 

 

It

May 30, 2017

It

It is over. We are done. You and I are last week’s news, maybe even last month’s. It was intense, it was fun and it was wonderful in parts. I learned a lot. I cared again. I didn’t think it would happen but I did care. It was real; it was authentic. You were authentic. You showed yourself to me as you are. I liked that. I appreciate it very much. I related to you and what was going on in your life. We had that much in common. My experience was, in many ways, your experience. My pain is raw. It just started. Who knows when it will end. For whatever it’s worth, I am glad we met.

 

 

 

 

 

The Invalid

April 14, 2017

The Invalid

You still don’t understand. You were not there. You don’t know. I saw him when he was sick. I saw him at his worst; I thought it was about over for him. He lay in bed with his eyes closed. I would touch him to feel his pulse. Fine, I would say. It’s fine. I’m so happy. You’re still with us. The minute he opened his eyes he looked around the room. The sadness he must have felt was heartbreaking. I didn’t dare ask him, but I knew. He wanted his family. He wanted to see them. He didn’t care about anything or anybody else. I could imagine his wondering if they’d come back from that far away country. Nobody except them was allowed to hug or kiss him. I wanted to comfort him many times, but something held me back. I cared deeply for his welfare, yet I had to pretend to him that we were almost strangers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eyes

February 3, 2017

Eyes

She had them. Her eyes spoke without words. Their expression was deep and powerful. She was known as the woman with the brown eyes. The eyes told of her struggles, her attempts at getting things under control so that no one would guess the truth. She looked at you and it was understood. Her life wasn’t much  good. She lived with her animals, her 3 dogs. They were the only family she had. She could count on her animals like she couldn’t count on people. Here they are, she would say. They are the children I never had. I love them and they love me. I can’t say the same for anyone else. Where are those people anyway? I don’t see them.

 

 

 

Never

October 18, 2016

Never

Oh, my dear! It is as if we were there now, this very minute. Just you and I together, side by side as in the old days. The heart doesn’t forget. My heart will never forget such a special friend. I love you. It was scary at first, but I did it. Loving is such a hard thing to do and one never knows how it will end. I chose you over all the others. It was you I wanted, you I stayed with, you I protected. We will probably not meet again. I want you to know this: being with you was worth it. I would do it over and over again, with the sun shining bright on us. The sun is shining bright on my thoughts of you.

 

 

The Grass and the Chandelier

October 5, 2016

The Grass and the Chandelier

There is a lawn with grass, smooth and silky looking green grass. A window, part of  someone’s bedroom, is on the left; another window behind which there are tables, chairs and a dark green couch is on the right. A large white glass chandelier hangs from the ceiling. The exterior of the house is dark brown brick. This type of house is called a chalet, like the chalets in Switzerland.  Stone steps, 4 or 5 steps, lead up to the porch. The main door of the house is made of wood and painted white. The kitchen is on the large side, with a door opening to a good-sized garden. Sun comes through the wide windows of the kitchen. The garden is big enough to build a studio or a 1 bedroom apartment. Someone walks up to the house. She turns her head to waive at the school bus driver and knocks on the door. A woman wearing an apron around her waist embraces the little girl. The woman’s cheeks are pink, almost red; her eyes shine like diamonds on an expensive bracelet. “Come, baby,” she says. “Yes, Mama. School was good today.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Little One

September 25, 2016

My Little One

It has been years, almost eight. I left you behind, thinking you and I would be together one day again. I rescued you from the streets. Our walks were superb, long and hard, just the way you liked them. I had no way of knowing you would be gone. Your death far away will haunt me forever. Please forgive me.