Posts Tagged ‘Family Life’

The Robe

April 7, 2018

The Robe

A harsh to the touch robe—it is dark red and too big for her. Somebody gave it to her as a gift long ago. It is wrapped around her toothpick body like a kind protector. She sits by the stove, the electric stove in the tiny kitchen. The robe is her friend. She looks down at the pockets, at the belt. Wearing the robe makes her feel she has a home—a real home at last.

 

 

 

 

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Imperfect

February 28, 2018

Imperfect

However imperfect the woman is, she is there for you. You are not alone. But you are too set in your ways to realize it. You are too much you to acknowledge her help. She cares. Deep down or not so deep down, you know that. You’ve known that all along. In your past, maybe people have done things for you to get something. She doesn’t get anything besides sadness when she sees how unwell you are. She accepts you as you are, grumpiness and all. You want her to change. She cares for you. Your illness almost forbids you to see anything except how it is affecting your life.

The Beautiful Soul

February 6, 2018

Beautiful Soul

A beautiful soul—you once said I had a very beautiful soul. I thought you treasured that; I believed you’d take care of it, that you’d appreciate kindness and good will towards you. Your life before I met you must have been a rough one. You probably had to battle demons inside and out. Your battles with life must have stunned and shaken you. Many of them you could not shake off. Picking up your body and mind must have been a great effort. We met too late for you to change. All you can now do is to be lucid sometimes now and then. The rest of the time you are simply not there for anyone.

 

 

The Tea

January 14, 2018

The Tea

By the kitchen counter—she sits next to the kitchen counter. It is warm there. The steaming cup of tea helps her forget the wind outside and the cold numbing her not young anymore hands. It is one of the best times she’s ever had—with a book, her animal companions and the tea. Harsh life is gone for a few minutes; pinching pennies and not having enough money—none of that exists. The tea works its magic. She is a young and lovely woman again. She is her real self.

 

Your Strawberries

January 10, 2018

Strawberries

I remember everything about that morning—the morning of your death. You loved strawberries but I couldn’t give you any. You used to look up at me when I ate strawberries and you would have stolen one or two if I had let you. I remember the man taking you up and putting you on his shoulder. They had just given you something, a sedative, so you wouldn’t feel anything. I remember the man placing you beside him in the dog pound van. I followed you in a taxi because I was not allowed in the van with you and the man. The taxi driver was a rough and tumble kind of guy, not the person I could confide in. He would not have understood how unhappy I was and that losing you was the last thing I wanted. I saw you on the floor of the dog pound when they gave you first one, then 2 injections to make you die. I did not want you to die, but you were so ill! You would not have lasted much longer. You would have been an unhappy German shepherd with no working legs. Our walks would have been a thing of the past. I have never forgotten you. I can never forget you. I know you have all the strawberries you want up in Dog Heaven.

 

Why?

November 28, 2017

Why should it? Why does everything that happens to you happen to me too? Why should I care if you are sick or are going through a difficult time? Why is that so important to me? There is drama in you. There is lots of drama, lots of up and down, almost at the precipice moments. I care. I truly care. Figuring out why is something I have been doing since the day I met you.

The Push

October 12, 2017

The Push

You just threw the house keys on the floor. Here, you said. I’m done. You slammed the door behind you. What pushes you? What pushes you to use words that can only hurt the one closest to you, the people who stand by you? What has made you bitter, bitter enough to lash out, to get the unseen sword from its not-so secret hiding place? What need is there in you to criticize, to find the bad and not the good in people? I try hard to understand, to get to the bottom of it all. I am baffled.

 

 

 

Found and Lost

September 20, 2017

Found and Lost

I will find you. I have no idea how, but I will find you. Where and/or when is not up to me. I will see you again. I gave you up. It was a foolish decision. I gave you up, you with the restless feet and you with the cute black and white pirate like head. I was scared, temporarily scared. It was that guy, that evil guy in the rooming house. It was him and his fat woman helper. The guy was mean, the one with the beady eyes. The woman was just like him, maybe even worse. Both of them were bad news from top to bottom. I can’t stop thinking about you. I think about you all the time. I am not scared anymore. You will be with me again.

 

 

Clothes

August 10, 2017

Clothes

I had to do it. Your clothes, the ones you left behind. I couldn’t bear to have the bags full of your clothes staring at me. I had to put everything away. The memories of you were and are still raw, as if you had just walked out the door. Now they, your belongings, will be gone. I won’t have anything except in my heart and mind to remind me of you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angry

July 10, 2017

Angry

You are angry. I am angry. You have your reasons to feel the way you feel; I have reasons to feel my pain. You should not have done and said what you did; I should not have reacted the way I did. But it’s done. Neither one of us want to be the first to apologize.  The days of using an old VCR rewinding tape are long gone. Now I understand how much I care about you. Before we parted, I knew I cared, but now the feeling is sharper, more intense than I thought it would be. Years ago, I never thought I would have this emotion again. I am bewildered and baffled by its bad timing. And you are totally wrong for me. Who will be with you at the end? Who will hold your hand when you are about to go forever? I wanted to be that person. I was there for you so many times! Right now I don’t think I will be able to say the final good-bye. I hate to think of you with strangers then. It hurts my soul.