Posts Tagged ‘priestly Celibacy’

I Love You

January 13, 2016

I Love You

 

I love you, I wanted to shout. My heart has kept this secret more or less under control for months and months. I loved you the minute I saw you. There will never be anyone else. I came here today to tell you. You didn’t want to hear it. If you could you would have told me it was best for you not to see me or the feelings so plainly written on my face. You are not free. I am well aware of that fact. I don’t expect anything from you. I never expected anything from you. You have no idea how scared I was before I walked into the parish office. I would have gone back to the house. I would have run the other way. That would have been cowardly and not worthy of the love inside me. I made my legs go towards the door; I made my hand knock not once but twice. I am so glad I did it. I faced you. I was honest. My hand opened the door for me to go outside, to the hot summer day. I stood on the curb and shivered. My shoulders made an up and down movement. I will never regret those brief moments alone with you.

 

 

 

 

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Different Flags–chapter 4

October 27, 2008

Different Flags

                                                     

                     Chapter 4

 

The kitchen was my favorite part of my aunt’s house.

After our conversation in the living room, I went and

sat on the chair facing the sink. I had come all the

way from San Francisco. I had travelled thousands of

miles to Argentina. Now, after 2 weeks, it looked like

I would have to go back. And I didn’t want to. I loved

San Francisco, but not my life there. I felt like a

drudge, like someone who lived only to clean and shop

for the most inexpensive food available.

 

I didn’t know if this stay in Buenos Aires would be

any better. I needed time to find out. Besides, my Tia

needed me. She was my mother’s only sister and she was

in financial and emotional trouble. Where would she go

if I left? A nursing home seemed unthinkable. Nursing

homes were old people storage places and my aunt

wasn’t that old. She was only 67, although she looked

10 years older. My uncle’s illness had taken quite a

toll on her.

I shook my head. Luis. Padre Luis was more respectful.

Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe what I really wanted

was to stay because of him. Yes, he was a priest.

Everyone in the parish liked him. I thought he was the

most attractive man I had ever seen. He was almost my

age, too. A neighbor had mentioned that he was 27. I

had just turned 25. But inside me I had felt at least

20 years older. Was that part of the reason I was

drawn to him? A relative had once told me that I

dressed like somebody’s mother. At the time, the

remark hurt, but then I realized they were speaking the

truth. Dowdy would aptly describe my clothes. I couldn’t feel young. Young was something I was not familiar with.

 

A little bit of reality check. Priests could not marry

Nor have girlfriends. I knew that silly rule existed. I

Would not get emotionally involved with him. After

all, I was my aunt’s niece from Norte America and I

Wouldn’t be in Buenos Aires long. Passing by, then

Moving on. That way, if I happened to fall in love

With him, it wouldn’t hurt. Not every much, anyway.

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

 Different Flags

                                                     

                     Chapter 4

 

The kitchen was my favorite part of my aunt’s house.

After our conversation in the living room, I went and

sat on the chair facing the sink. I had come all the

way from San Francisco. I had travelled thousands of

miles to Argentina. Now, after 2 weeks, it looked like

I would have to go back. And I didn’t want to. I loved

San Francisco, but not my life there. I felt like a

drudge, like someone who lived only to clean and shop

for the most inexpensive food available.

 

I didn’t know if this stay in Buenos Aires would be

any better. I needed time to find out. Besides, my Tia

needed me. She was my mother’s only sister and she was

in financial and emotional trouble. Where would she go

if I left? A nursing home seemed unthinkable. Nursing

homes were old people storage places and my aunt

wasn’t that old. She was only 67, although she looked

10 years older. My uncle’s illness had taken quite a

toll on her.

I shook my head. Luis. Padre Luis was more respectful.

Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe what I really wanted

was to stay because of him. Yes, he was a priest.

Everyone in the parish liked him. I thought he was the

most attractive man I had ever seen. He was almost my

age, too. A neighbor had mentioned that he was 27. I

had just turned 25. But inside me I had felt at least

20 years older. Was that part of the reason I was

drawn to him? A relative had once told me that I

dressed like somebody’s mother. At the time, the

remark hurt, but then I realized they were speaking the

truth. Dowdy would aptly describe my clothes. I couldn’t feel young. Young was something I was not familiar with.

 

A little bit of reality check. Priests could not marry

Nor have girlfriends. I knew that silly rule existed. I

Would not get emotionally involved with him. After

all, I was my aunt’s niece from Norte America and I

Wouldn’t be in Buenos Aires long. Passing by, then

Moving on. That way, if I happened to fall in love

With him, it wouldn’t hurt. Not every much, anyway.

 

   Different Flags

                                                     

                     Chapter 4

 

The kitchen was my favorite part of my aunt’s house.

After our conversation in the living room, I went and

sat on the chair facing the sink. I had come all the

way from San Francisco. I had travelled thousands of

miles to Argentina. Now, after 2 weeks, it looked like

I would have to go back. And I didn’t want to. I loved

San Francisco, but not my life there. I felt like a

drudge, like someone who lived only to clean and shop

for the most inexpensive food available.

 

I didn’t know if this stay in Buenos Aires would be

any better. I needed time to find out. Besides, my Tia

needed me. She was my mother’s only sister and she was

in financial and emotional trouble. Where would she go

if I left? A nursing home seemed unthinkable. Nursing

homes were old people storage places and my aunt

wasn’t that old. She was only 67, although she looked

10 years older. My uncle’s illness had taken quite a

toll on her.

I shook my head. Luis. Padre Luis was more respectful.

Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe what I really wanted

was to stay because of him. Yes, he was a priest.

Everyone in the parish liked him. I thought he was the

most attractive man I had ever seen. He was almost my

age, too. A neighbor had mentioned that he was 27. I

had just turned 25. But inside me I had felt at least

20 years older. Was that part of the reason I was

drawn to him? A relative had once told me that I

dressed like somebody’s mother. At the time, the

remark hurt, but then I realized they were speaking the

truth. Dowdy would aptly describe my clothes. I couldn’t feel young. Young was something I was not familiar with.

 

A little bit of reality check. Priests could not marry

Nor have girlfriends. I knew that silly rule existed. I

Would not get emotionally involved with him. After

all, I was my aunt’s niece from Norte America and I

Wouldn’t be in Buenos Aires long. Passing by, then

Moving on. That way, if I happened to fall in love

With him, it wouldn’t hurt. Not every much, anyway.

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Different Flags

                                                     

                     Chapter 4

 

The kitchen was my favorite part of my aunt’s house.

After our conversation in the living room, I went and

sat on the chair facing the sink. I had come all the

way from San Francisco. I had travelled thousands of

miles to Argentina. Now, after 2 weeks, it looked like

I would have to go back. And I didn’t want to. I loved

San Francisco, but not my life there. I felt like a

drudge, like someone who lived only to clean and shop

for the most inexpensive food available.

 

I didn’t know if this stay in Buenos Aires would be

any better. I needed time to find out. Besides, my Tia

needed me. She was my mother’s only sister and she was

in financial and emotional trouble. Where would she go

if I left? A nursing home seemed unthinkable. Nursing

homes were old people storage places and my aunt

wasn’t that old. She was only 67, although she looked

10 years older. My uncle’s illness had taken quite a

toll on her.

I shook my head. Luis. Padre Luis was more respectful.

Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe what I really wanted

was to stay because of him. Yes, he was a priest.

Everyone in the parish liked him. I thought he was the

most attractive man I had ever seen. He was almost my

age, too. A neighbor had mentioned that he was 27. I

had just turned 25. But inside me I had felt at least

20 years older. Was that part of the reason I was

drawn to him? A relative had once told me that I

dressed like somebody’s mother. At the time, the

remark hurt, but then I realized they were speaking the

truth. Dowdy would aptly describe my clothes. I couldn’t feel young. Young was something I was not familiar with.

 

A little bit of reality check. Priests could not marry

Nor have girlfriends. I knew that silly rule existed. I

Would not get emotionally involved with him. After

all, I was my aunt’s niece from Norte America and I

Wouldn’t be in Buenos Aires long. Passing by, then

Moving on. That way, if I happened to fall in love

With him, it wouldn’t hurt. Not every much, anyway.

 

   

 Different Flags

                                                     

                     Chapter 4

 

The kitchen was my favorite part of my aunt’s house.

After our conversation in the living room, I went and

sat on the chair facing the sink. I had come all the

way from San Francisco. I had travelled thousands of

miles to Argentina. Now, after 2 weeks, it looked like

I would have to go back. And I didn’t want to. I loved

San Francisco, but not my life there. I felt like a

drudge, like someone who lived only to clean and shop

for the most inexpensive food available.

 

I didn’t know if this stay in Buenos Aires would be

any better. I needed time to find out. Besides, my Tia

needed me. She was my mother’s only sister and she was

in financial and emotional trouble. Where would she go

if I left? A nursing home seemed unthinkable. Nursing

homes were old people storage places and my aunt

wasn’t that old. She was only 67, although she looked

10 years older. My uncle’s illness had taken quite a

toll on her.

I shook my head. Luis. Padre Luis was more respectful.

Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe what I really wanted

was to stay because of him. Yes, he was a priest.

Everyone in the parish liked him. I thought he was the

most attractive man I had ever seen. He was almost my

age, too. A neighbor had mentioned that he was 27. I

had just turned 25. But inside me I had felt at least

20 years older. Was that part of the reason I was

drawn to him? A relative had once told me that I

dressed like somebody’s mother. At the time, the

remark hurt, but then I realized they were speaking the

truth. Dowdy would aptly describe my clothes. I couldn’t feel young. Young was something I was not familiar with.

 

A little bit of reality check. Priests could not marry

Nor have girlfriends. I knew that silly rule existed. I

Would not get emotionally involved with him. After

all, I was my aunt’s niece from Norte America and I

Wouldn’t be in Buenos Aires long. Passing by, then

Moving on. That way, if I happened to fall in love

With him, it wouldn’t hurt. Not every much, anyway.