Down

July 22, 2014

What was she doing here in this hot weather? The day was hot and humid, yet going in and out of the subway would have been too expensive. Her chin hit the sidewalk. It happened almost without her realizing it. One minute she was up and the next down. Her whole body hurt but the chin got the worst of it. he hoped someone in the street full of people would offer to help her up. No one did. he struggled up again as best she could, picking up her purse. She shook her head and on she went. The day was too bright to think about heartlessness.

The Brush

June 24, 2017

At first I didn’t feel it. Something touched me gently. It brushed up against me like a tender caress. I looked down. It was you–or the image of you. It was almost as if you had come back for me. My smile was genuine; it lit up my eyes. I said your name out loud. Oh, my dear! How much I have missed you! I care. I care deeply. If you had believed it, maybe you never would have left.

What?

June 13, 2017

What?

What have I done? How have I hurt you? You won’t tell me? You’d rather keep it a secret? You hurt me; you are a man, and I can’t expect you to admit it. Your pride would take a hit if you were honest with yourself.  The pain I feel over the loss of you will go away. Eventually I will feel nothing as opposed to now. Now I feel everything and it is a sharp feeling. It is so strong that it scares me. I don’t like my tears. I don’t know what to do with them. They are not going away anytime soon.

 

 

End of Story

June 10, 2017

I am heartbroken. I didn’t think it would end this way. You again said horrible things to me and I couldn’t put up with it anymore. I told someone in power, someone who could actually help me. They must have gone and talked to you.I hope they did and that now you have calmed down. I loved you. When you called me all those names I got a horrible pain in my gut. How could you do this to me? I thought. I don’t know. I want to be inside your brain, inside your heart, but that’s impossible. I regret that our relationship did not work. I cared about you, plain and simple. My pain will take a long time to go away. May you get the help you need. May you be able to go home someday soon. Goodbye.

The Name

June 7, 2017

I learned it. I repeated it over and over again. There was no way of getting enough of it. His name was like a drug I had to have or else I would explode. It was the only name that existed, that had ever existed. Walking down the street, going to buy groceries, watching TV somehow I would hear it and everything stopped. My body sensed an electric shock. I loved that man. I loved knowing he was near me, that I could see him anytime I wanted to. He belonged to me. He belonged to my heart.

 

Death Watch

June 6, 2017

Death Watch

Dying. That’s the word. The dreaded word I don’t want to think about. It’s you. You are dying. Your head. You keep your head down all the time now. You don’t want to look up. It’s not necessary anymore. Nothing interests you, not even the two items you used to live for. You are like a light that will no longer function. I watch you go and I want to stop you. I can’t. I know it’s useless. The pain inside you is too great. It’s taking over your being.

 

 

Care

June 4, 2017

I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I did once, but now I don’t give a damn. I just don’t. He shrugged his shoulders and turned away from her. Swear words had come out of his mouth before, when he started talking to her and telling her how he felt.  Tears showered the woman’s face as she listened to him. Why? What happened to you? Why are you thrown out there like a garbage bag? I care about you. You have no idea how much I care and worry about you. Maybe that’s not enough. Maybe it’s too late for that. I don’t know what else to do. I am so sorry. If anybody doesn’t deserve to live out here, that an is you.

 

It

May 30, 2017

It

It is over. We are done. You and I are last week’s news, maybe even last month’s. It was intense, it was fun and it was wonderful in parts. I learned a lot. I cared again. I didn’t think it would happen but I did care. It was real; it was authentic. You were authentic. You showed yourself to me as you are. I liked that. I appreciate it very much. I related to you and what was going on in your life. We had that much in common. My experience was, in many ways, your experience. My pain is raw. It just started. Who knows when it will end. For whatever it’s worth, I am glad we met.

 

 

 

 

 

Together

May 28, 2017

You. Only you, the thoughts of you work. They are the only things holding everything together. I don’t know what I would do without them. Because you are no longer with me, I rely on them to get me through. And without you, there is so much to get through, to get over. I see the green grass, the tress we used to walk by. I see the streets. They work like magic. I am no longer upset.I am no longer sad. You brought life and happiness to me. I love you wherever you are.

Stunned

May 28, 2017

She had to sit down. There was no other way. The words he had said to her took her by surprise. It was one insult on top of other insults. The accusations were unfair because they were untrue. She had no idea why he was in such a bad mood. When she called 911 almost  at midnight, she did it to save his life. The man had been complaining about feeling weak and tired. She wanted noting bad to happen to him. She had stayed by his side until the mid morning hours. Then she had to go. The following day, when she went to see him in his hospital room, she wished for a smile, a semi-warm greeting, something to show that he cared in some way. As he talked about her not bringing him this and that (some of the things he had asked for) the tone of his voice got angrier and angrier. She wanted to leave the room, yet she felt sorry for him. The doctors must have given him bad news. Even so, that did not excuse his behavior. What had she done wrong? She didn’t know; she didn’t understand. Now she was tired. The pain in her gut was hard and harsh, as hard and harsh as his words had been.

Senile

May 20, 2017

Senile

You call me senile? What gives you the right to do that? And you call me stupid? When have I ever called you disabled or whatever else? The woman remembered the scene of their fight earlier that morning. She stood on the platform of the subway station. A panhandler near her was playing a song. It was On the Street where You Live from My Fair Lady. The lyrics, something about the lyrics, made her cry. Without really knowing why, the part that goes: I have often walked down this street before, broke her. She leaned her head against a pole. There were other people waiting for the M train. She had to hide her face from them, even if they didn’t care. The tears kept coming down. What have I done? I tried to be nice. She thought. I can’t live like this. This is too painful. She fumbled for a napkin, a tissue, anything to dry her face with. She finally used her hands up and down her cheeks.