Denial
I had to. I didn’t want to. Your eyes were telling me something, something important. I couldn’t pay attention. It was too risky. We were not by ourselves. You stood there, near me, almost pleading. I had to make some excuse and leave. It broke my heart. Denying you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been forced to do.
Housing
Housing is a problem, a problem with a capital H. Housing has been my downfall and my curse. There is no roof over my head, a place to be me in. No home, either emotional or physical. Housing has left me stranded and empty.
Want
My heart. My heart races. I think of you. I will see you soon. Meeting with you today will be such an important event! I smile. When was the last time I felt as happy as now? I can’t remember. Thank you. Thank you for being you.
Nothing
No more. I am done. I want to be done. The letters we wrote each other, those I will discard. I don’t want to read about the love we felt. I don’t want to know how it was never going to end. Enough. Enough love from me to you and from you to me. I will put my feelings away somewhere. I’ll pretend I lost them. If you don’t come back to me, I’ll never need them again.
Shadows
2 shadows. I see 2 shadows, yours and mine. In my dreams of us, I am wearing jeans and a shabby blue zip up sweater. You are almost all in black except for a little bit of white. We are outside, looking up at the clear blue sky. We then look down at each other and we smile into each other’s eyes. “Let’s do this a little longer,” you tell me. I nod. You take me by the hand and we keep walking. We cannot happen anymore but I will remember you until I die. In the midst of pain and suffering, you were enjoyment and happiness.
Doesn’t Matter
I don’t care. I just don’t. What you looked like during our last days together is unimportant. You were not as cute or as young as when I first had you. But you were with me. You were there always; ready to comfort, ready to be my friend. When I didn’t feel well, I knew by looking at you how concerned you were. You stood by me. You stood near me. That’s all I cared about. Your heart was big. It will live forever.
My Little Man
I must leave you behind, far behind. I must say goodbye. You will never know that I’m leaving you. I cannot even look at you now. However innocent that look is, people will make it out to be something bad. My little man, I love you. You were so good to me. You made me hope. You made me forget.
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